I spent so much of my life just hiding the truth from everyone that the lies themselves became more hurtful than some of my actual actions. Mental health is not something anyone ever talked about in my childhood. Even in high school, we had home economics, tech classes, sex education, but never once did a […]

FOREWORD I am grateful for the opportunity to tell my story, and to you, reader, for listening. It took me a great while to find the courage to put my experiences and the related emotions into words. I believe that every one of us has a story to tell because our journeys are uniquely ours, […]

I told the Movie Theater Club about the trouble. They were sympathetic and that was all that they could be. I didn’t expect more. After all, what was there for any of us to do about it? Was it less or more than what I could do without their help? The collective imagination might see […]

Prologue Lying in that detox bed, smelling myself — that combination of alcohol leaching from my pores and the rancid, stale stress sweat, I knew that I wasn’t fooling anyone. I was hurting, wanting to jump out of my skin, but trying to maintain a facade of okay. But I had been stripped of everything […]

Chapter One Hope with Me “Get down there, boy…” Even at four years old, I heard the threat in my dad’s slurred words. He stumbled away, leaving a trail of sour breath in the air, but I knew he’d be back…most likely. If I was lucky, he’d finish the beer in his hand, his sixth […]

Chapter One Earliest Memory My first memory is from when I was six years old. I was wearing a pretty dress, white ruffled bobby socks, and Mary Jane shoes. My hair was up in three big plaits. I was happy because I felt pretty. I’d gotten all dressed up. It was going to be a […]

Introduction Our existence is fragile. I learned that in many intricate ways, long before the COVID-19 pandemic, so I do not take today for granted. I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I do not even know if tomorrow will come. On the eve of Thanksgiving 2016, I received the diagnosis of stage 4 […]

HYPER(IMPER)EALITY America is the land of cults and cult leaders, of hyperbole and death by truth in fiction. When I was nine years old I gas lit myself with a careless swing of wool on an elderly breathing stove When I was eleven years old I gas lit myself again ignoring every sign that Santa […]

4. Let Go of the Banana Have you heard the story about how to catch a monkey? There is a see-through wire fence with a series of holes in it. The holes are just big enough to fit a monkey’s hand and forearm. On the other side of the fence is a banana. The monkey […]

I found myself in a local bar called Panorama, skimming through my work contract. I contemplated my ability to continue this working abroad disaster and considered walking away from a large end-of-contract payment, or perhaps I was simply waiting for an explanation from “God” about why everything falls apart. I read the pages over and […]

If It Doesn’t Scar, It Doesn’t Count Day 11 Only a handful of people have ever seen me naked: the doctor who delivered me, the caregivers who bathed me, the boyfriend who waited until our sixth date to even try to hold my hand. I actively avoid exposing myself if I can — I was […]